Only hurt people, hurt people. Understanding what makes the bully tick

Only hurt people, hurt people. As we study the subject of self defense, we know that the mental aspects of self defense, are the most important, and most common.

Only hurt people, hurt people

Physical attacks are rare, and can mostly be avoided by being aware of how we act, where we are, etc. However, attacks on our mental well being, happen all the time, and attacks on our mental well being, come from many sources. For the purpose of today’s article, I’m going to focus on bullying.

Much is covered in today’s society on the subjects of bully prevention, and coping as a bullying victim. Two problems though:

1. Not enough focus on what drives a bully in the first place
2. Most of the focus, is on childhood bullies and their victims.

To me, focusing on children, is a great “bottom-to-top” approach. Teach kids when they are young, so that when they are adults, they behave towards others better, teach their children, etc. The turn around is decades away of course, as these children have to grow up, but there is good in it. I don’t think, we invest enough in the “top-to-bottom” approach however. Teach adults how to understand bullying, not let it affect them, and raise their kids in a world of confidence, and lead-by- example ability to love themselves without having to rip others apart. Kids mimic adults.

Bullying - Only hurt people, hurt people

Bullying education of children, is in vain, unless we have bullying education of adults. This is why the problem worsens over the years, never gets better. It’s human nature, to want to be liked, and treated well by others. Sadly, being an emotionally unstable animal, is also human nature.

 Someone will always want to hurt you in some way, some day. The first step in not being a victim, is not giving a shit. The first step in building the ability to not give a shit, is understanding what is behind the behavior. Next, are 6 behavioral drivers, of the common adult bully.

 Think of someone that has attacked you via social media, or treats you like shit at work, etc. See if you can bag them into one of the 6 behavioral drivers below. Bet you can, and maybe more than just one. Especially, if you know anything about their current life, or past:

Only hurt people, hurt people - Perceived threats: 

• The aggressor may see you as a threat to their business, ego, or persona they have built for themselves, due to dissatisfaction of their normal selves.
• Desire for Power: We live in a world where people are the most power hungry they have ever been. Silence is confidence.. Those that make noise, need those looking on to think they are the “one”.
• Revenge: Doesn’t matter if the bully is right or wrong in their perception. If they think you wronged them and they are already mentally weak, you will become the absolute focus of their attention.
• Cowardice: Gotta love the internet. A weak fool can attack you without really confronting you, get other jackasses to “like” what has been put out there, and the bully finds a few extra pounds of fake confidence each time. Then they get louder.
• Sadism: Sadly, some people just like to beat others down.
• Unsolved Past Trauma: If someone has been made to feel small, they may dedicate their being to making others feel small. These types, normally piggy back on the behavior of a stronger minded bully, and take things to a higher level. They take comfort in the original bully’s support, and use his/her back bone as their own.

In a nutshell, only hurt people, hurt people. If someone is mentally or emotionally attacking you, it’s because in their own diminished mind, that is the only way they know to feel better. To displace.

Only hurt people, hurt people

If we see any of the above behavioral drivers in ourselves, and we work to face the cause, we are then the ones who can actually stop bullying. That, is where the chain needs to be broken. Top-down.

In self defense, the only attack that successfully lands, is the one not seen coming. Never forget that. In a physical situation, it can be a punch to the side of the head, delivered from an angle you didn’t see. BANG! In an emotional or mental situation, it is the attack you don’t understand, that causes you to wonder, and dwell. From there, comes the weight, stress, and in truth, the delivery of the attack on you. BANG!

Only hurt people, hurt people

In a physical encounter, if you see the attack coming, you can deal with it. You will either stop it entirely, or move in a way to diminish it’s effect. So it won’t floor you, and you won’t pay attention to it past the conflict moment. In a mental, or emotional encounter, if you understand why the attack is happening, you will be able to brush it aside so it won’t floor you, and you won’t pay attention to it, past the conflict moment.

Bullying stops, when we stop doing it, and stop being victimized. First step, is understanding what makes the bully tick. Only hurt people, hurt people.

Grand Master Dave DeGrouchie

I hope you enjoyed the article called Only hurt people, hurt people! And checkout my latest eBook called Kosho Ryu the Awakened Mind. 

Thank you for your time and have a wonderful day! Keep Learning!

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